Posts Tagged ‘how to avoid guilt’

GUILT TRIP

DO YOU EVER DWELL ON THE FEELING THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING BETTER, DIFFERENTLY, OR NOT AT ALL? IF SO, YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED THE POTENTIALLY DESTRUCTIVE EMOTION KNOWN AS GUILT.

Guilt isn’t always bad.  It shows a degree of healthy responsibility and can serve as a lesson not to make the same mistake again! (For example: “Next tiem I’ll phone to let my partner know I’m going to be late”.)

 At the same time, when taken too far, guilt can be used as a weapon against yourself and others.

 When you chastise yourself for eating small slice of chocolate cake, knowing you are committed to a strict diet, the guilt you feel reflects an unrealistic expectation of yourself.  Similarly, a mother who punishes herself with feelings of guilt when she isn’t always available for her children is also being unrealistic about what she can and can’t do.

 Destructive feelings such as these can turn inwards, and may even lead to a deep sense of depression or despair. 

 The next time you scold yourself for a perceived slip-up, question that basis of your beliefs.  What do you think makes a good mother, for instance, an ideal partner, or a best friend?

 Honestly ask yourself if your standards are way too high to be achievable.  Remember, everyone is human, and in the same way you forgive others, make sure you forgive your own mistakes.

 Another guilty side of guilt can be found within relationships, when it is used to attack a person close to you, like a best friend or partner.

 Often it takes the form of words such as: “If you loved me/were a true friend…you would…”.  Words like these trigger feelings of guilt in the other person, by setting up a test that requires proof of a commitment to you. 

 Used in this way, guilt becomes harmful to the relationship, as it destroys trust, the vital ingredient required for intimacy to develop.

 If you find yourself using guilt as a weapon against another, ask yourself why you feel you cannot trust this person, and whether your actions reflect your own feelings of self-worth.

 If your partner or friend is attempting to make you feel guilty, point it out to him or her.  Perhaps you have made mistakes in the past, but in order for the relationship to move on, you need to be forgiven.

Main source: Nature and Health Magazine; and www.iamnext.com